(written on May 22, 2012)
It's one of those days when the rain is pouring so hard you feel safe and secure and completely content to be inside, but not because of indifference or fear of the rain, but you feel like the rain is matching your heart in rhythm and action. Some would then ask, "Why is your heart sad?" And I would reply simply, "It's not, I just feel safe." The earth is soaking in its deliciousness as does my soul. The deep colored clouds reflect the fading light as water streams and pools below and I rejoice. I rejoice for the clouds are about to break in my own life and relationships for the storm has been here for awhile - passively waiting...waiting...always waiting, never breaking. Somehow I know when the clouds do break there will be pain, there will be understanding, there will be sorrow, but there will be healing. How do I know this? Peace whispers to me as a crashing wave resounds on the sand, but I feel peace all the same as it says, "You are here for such a time as this...I brought you here...I gave you understanding and perception for a reason." My heart swells with anticipation of the risk, but holding onto the truth: good will come. It always does. Good will come. My heart sings and yearns for that time of good! Jesus, heal quickly. Courage to speak. Wisdom to listen. Please, be my Strength. I don't have any more. The rain is just a trickle now and the sky is still dense with color, but I rejoice for the rising of the sun in the morning. Confidently I will wait with hope for the morning, knowing it will come, knowing it will be glorious, delicate, and beautiful, and life-giving. I'm holding on and I won't let go, I'm on my knees, please use me now. I don't know why you've given me eyes to see, but Jesus be the healing power instead of me.
